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Wednesday, January 17. 2007
“O SON OF BEING!
Love Me, that I may love thee. If thou lovest Me not, My love can in no wise reach thee. Know this, O servant.” Baha’I Writings
When True Love shines upon all created things the kingdoms of animal, plants and mineral accept this love unconditionally and returning it back to its source as they have received it since they have no free will, but since we have this opportunity to choose so some of us attract this light and love as our own capacity and some reject It again as our own capacity. The first group of people would fell in love with themselves because of the beauty which they witness and then with others and finally with all universe and at the end of their life their souls will leave this world carrying strong heat and love going back to where they have come from, since we all are being created as a light of one candle having a capacity to become a sun . The second group who rejected this Love will look into each faces who are passing them until the end of their life hoping to find love again since in rejection is hidden its own punishment.
Tuesday, January 16. 2007
Oh God! I need some air to breathe in but this air is so polluted with lies, betrayal and injustice. I have no choice except going to Your Words. One day in this city someone came to me by love and I fall in love with entire universe but now I lost him to the world which he loved most and I lost my love too. So I can’t stand this city and all who are living therein. I went through injustice and betrayal by someone who lived with me for so many years and then another man who came to rescue me but later on he betrayed me too. But I am still sharing the bitter fruits from the trees of their action because I am sharing one world with them so I don’t have to imagine it I am experiencing it. I am having my share from their hell but I want to fly although they are pulling me down by putting their heavy loads of sadness from their faithless heart on my shoulders. They either cannot or do not want to fly so for them is better to keep me down here and killing me eventually. So please God accept this prayer, a prayer which I love most. I should read and write it at the same time until the entire Holy Words sink in my physical and spiritual being and then I would be comforted.
“From the sweet-scented streams of Thine eternity give me to drink, O my God, and of the fruits of the tree of Thy being enable me to taste, O my Hope! From the crystal springs of Thy love suffer me to quaff, O my Glory, and beneath the shadow of Thine everlasting providence let me abide, O my Light! Within the meadows of Thy nearness, before Thy presence, make me able to roam, O my Beloved, and at the right hand of the throne of Thy mercy seat me, O my Desire! From the fragrant breezes of Thy joy let a breath pass over me, O my Goal, and into the heights of the paradise of Thy reality let me gain admission, O my Adored One! To the melodies of the dove of Thy oneness suffer me to hearken, O Resplendent One, and through the spirit of Thy power and Thy might quicken me, O my Provider! In the spirit of Thy love keep me steadfast, O my Succourer, and in the path of Thy good-pleasure set firm my steps, O my Maker! Within the garden of Thine immortality, before Thy countenance, let me abide for ever, O Thou Who art merciful unto me, and upon the seat of Thy glory stablish me , O Thou Who art my Possessor! To the heaven of Thy loving –kindness lift me up, O my Quickener, and unto the Day-Star of Thy guidance lead me, O Thou my Attractor! Before the revelations of Thine invisible spirit summon me to be present, O Thou Who art my Origin and Highest Wish, and unto the essence of the fragrance of Thy beauty, which wilt manifest, cause me to return, O Thou Who art my God! Potent art Thou to do what pleaseth Thee. Thou art, verily, the Most Exalted, the All-Glorious, the All-Highest. “
Monday, January 15. 2007
This morning the subject of breaking heart came to my heart! I didn’t know why until now that I heard one father was planning to break his son’s heart by depriving him from his inheritance because his son doesn’t go with his rule! I thought what a big step to take for breaking someone’s heart that even he, the father, will not be in this world no longer to correct his action? I just say to this father that there is an energy flowing in the heart which when the heart breaks or opens even for one second that energy will be released and like breaking an atom will effected millions of souls, the first soul is the one who breaks it effecting himself and his own surrounding, here or in another world, and since this act is a spiritual act it takes time to appear in this world but eventually everyone will be witnessing the manifestations of this opening which are pain and suffering. So dear father if I were you I wouldn’t do that to myself for the sake of my ego, because you will break your own heart first and then the others, it has been always worked this way and always will be.
As Hafez says;
Split the atom’s heart, and lo!
Within it thou wilt find a sun.
Sunday, January 14. 2007
This morning I heard John Lennon singing: ‘Imagine there is no heaven …..no hell below us…..’ but I see myself and other people going through hell and heaven everyday or even every minute. Now I have a vision!seeing everyone sitting under a tree which is grown from the seed of his/her deeds eating sweet or bitter fruits from it. Now my imagination is taking me from the fruit to the trunk going through it reaching the root going back in time entering into the seed of deeds before manifesting itself in this world and there I see the essence of punishment and reward hidden itself in one holy spot. I say ‘holy’ because punishment in its essence is a grace for betterment. Now I am coming out of it judging myself and others around me to prove to myself that I had a true vision, although I am not allowed to do that but I need some examples for this moment of time not knowing what will happen in coming moments . Now I see my ex. sitting under his own tree eating a bitter fruit of his rejection of love and loyalty ‘Vafa’, by being rejected, and then I see that man, the lover! sitting under his own tree eating a very bitter-sweet fruit of his betrayal to love. In this moment of time ,being free from both of them, I see myself eating a sweet fruit of my love and loyalty to my family and experiencing love without breaking any laws in this world. I shared the bitterness of their deeds with them and they did have part of mine too, but at the end everyone is left alone with his or hers.
And John Lennon sings: “… imagine all the people sharing all the world, you may say I am a dreamer but I am not the only one ….” Now I reach to my favorite spot in this world ‘coffee shop’ hoping to share and eat more sweet fruits with others!
Saturday, January 13. 2007
I found this word ‘SOLILOQUY’ to define and excuse myself from writing about my conversation with those famous women, a word which describes my situation in this time of my life and it means : A dramatic device, used extensively by Shakespeare and other playwrights, in which a character utters his thoughts aloud. He is usually alone on the stage and the audience thus has the experience of being admitted to his true thoughts and feelings …..”
Friday, January 12. 2007
Yesterday my mind was free and after God knows how many days or months I could contact two women who are very famous in this world each one for different reason.
You might ask how do I contact people like these famous women?
As a believer of Baha’I Faith, first I say the Greatest Name ‘Ya Baha’u’ul- Abha’ from bottom of my heart. This is the 'Key' for me if I want to go through the doors of consciousness. The first door is the door of my own cage or veil which my spirit is attached to it. The second door is between my conscious world and the world of unconsciousness where all souls are connected to each other, unconsciously. I might say the Greatest Name one more time, sometimes repeating It so many times it deepens that how close and thick is the door between the conscious of that person, whom I want to contact with, to his/her unconscious world. So I say the Greatest Name again and then call the person by her/his name. It is like a wake up call to a world or an atmosphere where they were not aware of it before. First they are shocked by hearing their names in their head asking who am I and sometimes they are afraid thinking that they are dying and I am an angle of death but when I assured them that I am not and I am an ordinary woman and as human as they are so they will be comforted and then we have a conversation. I would feel by the tone of their voices that when is the time to end the conversation, if I can call it voices, so I would read one Holy verse Which was defined as a ‘ Spiritual Ship’ which by reading it three times brings me back to where I was before in this world. Later on if those who I was contacted with before wanted to talk to me I would recognize them by the tone of their voices if they were/are close to me emotionally but if not I would see their faces. Those who are called or awaken to this world of unconsciousness they know the way to contact again but only to whom who had called them into this world not to all unless they push their way to this world and contact all. So as soon as I hear or see someone wants to talk to me I would say the Greatest Name again, It works for me as a believer. So you might ask what is the difference between you and the others who don’t say this Name or they are not a believer and are connecting to this world?
My answer is that if they use this power for sharing and enjoying this common place and using it for the benefit of all human race is fine but if they use this power or awareness to bother and hurt other people then it would be like giving an atomic bomb to a child to play. For me saying the Greatest Name before entering into this world of unconsciousness is an opening and to protect myself from my own ‘ self’.
Today I tried to answer what I thought it might be your question so tomorrow I would write about my conversation with these famous women.
Thursday, January 11. 2007
It seems that yesterday‘s add for finding a soul mate worked and I got two messages. I heard that man, the one who claimed he loved me telling me, by heart, that he wish me good luck to find a man who I could share my life with, then I heard someone, who I think was my ex, saying that I should delete ‘her’ from one part of my writing because people might think that I might be looking for a woman as my soul mate. For the first message I have to thank him to understand me finally and wishing me good luck and for my ex I have to share this quote from the Guardian of the Faith saying:
“There is no teaching in the Baha’i Faith that ‘soul mates’ exist. What is meant is that marriage should lead to a profound friendship of spirit, which will endure in the next world, where there is no sex, and no giving and taking in marriage; just the way we should establish with our parents, our children, our brothers and sisters and friends a deep spiritual bond which will be ever-lasting, and not merely physical bonds of human relationship.”
With above quote I also want to tell him that for 30 years I couldn’t find such a bond with him so please except it and let me live in peace for the rest of my life.
Wednesday, January 10. 2007
How fortunate I am to find this way of communication and share my experiences with those who want to know what is happening in this world although hidden from man’s eyes. To tell you a truth this morning I was disappointed by not getting any signs in this world. I had forgotten what I had read yesterday that this world and all there in is just images and shadows and look like pictures to my eyes. But I remembered another Word of God that we have a capacity to become a shadow of God on this earthy realm. So I asked myself that how can I become one and find another to look at his/her face in this world? I was and am so privilege to see many of them in my spiritual world and here in this world but they are beyond my spiritual station and in front of them I am like an atom standing in front of the sun or a drop in the ocean of their love. So I might be looking for someone walking with me in this path and to understand me. Few years back I read and wrote this passage from a book ‘Maya’ in my diary about a dream of a young woman saying; ‘ she once told me that when she was young she’d had , these vivid daydreams about a magic potion(elixir) which would give her eternal life if she drank half of it. Then she’d have unlimited time to search for the man she wanted to give the other half to. So she’d be certain to find the right man one day, if not next week, then in a hundred , or a thousand years ’time…..’ then she said ‘ for me there is only one man and one earth, I feel it this strongly because I only live once.” So I should not be disappointed by not seeing any sign of real love or any reaction to my attempt to spread my love in this world since this world has a time limit and when the applause for the Big Bang was heard only fifteen billion years after the explosion., which step can I take that its effects on the hearts of man appears in my own life time? Then I thought to myself that is why we usually experience sadness after having a love affair because we run after love but when we reach it deep down we still feel that it wasn’t the one that we were looking for So we go after another one, not being satisfied ,repeating what we were doing , digging a deep well under our feet until we, our self, be buried in it, unless we experience something beyond any love affair which it could be drinking our portion from that magic elixir!.
This morning coming back from the coffee shop, I saw so many crows sitting on beautiful white snows, only crows not even one dove was there ! And I thought to myself why these birds, crows, being famous of being greedy and having a long life attacking and covering such a beautiful and pure sign of purity in this world!? Then the answer came to my heart that how the power of attraction of this beauty first attracts those who want to kill or destroy it at its birth ,so when they don’t understand it , it can not be existed, don’t you think so?
Tuesday, January 9. 2007
This morning when I read the following Writing from Abdu’l-Baha, I was comforted because knowing the reasons and having knowledge of what I was and am going through was comforting. Ignorance is so painful to individual and the people around her/him. Now I know that what I am experiencing is only watching shadows and images reflected on my own soul ‘water’, and they are not real.
Abdu’l-Baha says: “know thou that the Kingdom is the real world, and this nether place is only its shadow stretching out. A shadow hath no life of its own; its existence is only a fantasy, and nothing more; it is but images reflected in water, and seeming as pictures to the eye.”
Then I read this beautiful poem , a poem which I love so much, from Tahirih longing to see her Beloved to tell Him what was happening to her in this world;
If ever I should behold you
face to face
eye to eye,
I would be bold to recount
my heart’s plaint
plaint by plaint
verse by verse
like Saba the east wind,
I have searched everywhere
for your countenance
from house to house,
door to door,
alley to alley,
from quarter to quarter,
My desperate heart
has knitted your love
to the very fabric of my being,
string by string,
thread by thread,
warp by warp,
and woof by woof,
Tahirih has searched every layer of her heart
but found only you there,
sheet by sheet,
fold by fold,
cover by cover
over and over again
Monday, January 8. 2007
1- The night before last night I saw that man, the lover!, with another woman not his wife but another . He wanted me to see and know about it. Later on he told me that he is now single and if I still wanted to get married with him. My answer was that he should call me first and jokingly I said to him that we would discuss marriage at the dinner table. I knew he wouldn’t call but I said it anyway ,he said he would see into it until tomorrow. So I went to bed thinking that he might be free after all.
2- Yesterday morning, I saw my spiritual father so angry trying to prevent me of seeing something but I had a glimpse of it which was a snap shoot of that man making love with his wife, again he wanted me to see so I saw it. He always do that to make me angry or jealous but I am use to it , he either pictures what he wants me to see in his mind or actually doing it when he wants me to see. But this morning my spiritual father saw him first so he was trying to cover it up for me. I saw him , my spiritual guide covering the down part of the stage on the left side , where the evil thoughts or doings are coming from, and later on when that man was calling me again he , my spiritual guide , told me not to answer this rootless man anymore. I cannot share the blessing which came to me later on, in the afternoon, it is so holy that I want to keep it in my heart like a very precious jewel. But I can share the message with you which was telling me that I should be trusting in God and not be affected by the actions of these people. Then I heard that man’s wife screaming calling my name that she had thrown him out of the house and she called him a ‘homeless dog’. I didn’t answer her, it was her problem not mine. But this man knows how to get to me he has found a way to my son’s heart telling my son that no one in this world loves his mother like he does and he just needs some time to prepare himself. My son believes him because he knows what a loveless life I had with his father so he wants love for his mother at least for the rest of her life. So last night my son called me telling me that I go and listen to the music which he had sent to me, and then he said by heart that this man asked him to do this. When I listened to the song it was about a lover mourning about his beloved asking her to come back.
3- This morning I saw my spiritual father going to the right side of the stage, towards the Holy Spot, for prayer and I prayed myself too. Then I remembered and saw many things which as a human being I was trying to forget. I remembered that how this man was trying to win back his reputation with the help of his wife a reputation which was so damaged in this city by accusing me of being an stalker and later on the case was fall apart , I remembered that I heard they were attending parties without any limitation of being a wife or husband to anyone so if this man make me to contact him again in this world it would be a very small sacrifice for his wife to win their reputation , so they can tell everyone in this city that I was really a stalker or I was what they wanted to prove I was, a bad woman. So I heard this news from one of his close friends who one day was awaken by his conscious to tell me that I should never trust this man. So what I had heard or seen so many times for past years of my life and I wanted to forget about them have come to me again this morning, reminded me that where I am now and how God was and is helping me to protect myself from these people. Today I wrote in my diary that how the prayers, like a shining lamp, lighten the road ,where I am walking, more clearly and to see and remember what I had forgotten. Later on when my son called me by heart to tell me that this man doesn’t leave him alone I told him about all those parties and the plan they have for me. What is this revenge which is being fed from soul itself until there would be nothing left except revenge itself? So when my son told that man about parties he said that his friend was in love with me and he wanted to destroy our relationship by saying these words to me and how he was confident that I still loved him. My son’s answer was that this would be his wish!
4- Later on I heard his friend telling that man angrily that he would tell me about his plans for me and he would tell me about why his wife is so angry with him because he had slept with his wife’s friend. So that is why she thrown him out from the house because he didn’t get her permission to do this so he has broken his wife’s pride and committed a sin!!! I heard all these conversations.
5- So do you think that I am fortunate to hear and see all these like a movie or I am not? And if you were in my shoes what would you do?
Monday, January 8. 2007
This morning I have tried my best to write about what was happening to me for past two days, but I came across this poem which has touched my heart so much and I thought I should share it with you first then I would try to write about my own life adventures.
“ITHACA” by Constantine Cavafy (1863-1933) Translated by Rae Dalven;
When you set out your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge,
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
The angry Poseidon – do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path
If your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
Emotion touches your spirit and your body.
the Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter,
if you do not carry them within your soul,
if your heart does not set them up before you.
Pray that the road is long,
always keep Ithaca in your mind,
to arrive there is your ultimate goal,
but do not hurry the voyage at all,
it is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.
Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would never have set out on the road,
She has nothing more to give you.
And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you,
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
You must already have understood what Ithacas mean.
Friday, January 5. 2007
The other day in my hidden world I saw that man, the lover! he was panic asking my dear spiritual father to prevent me from mentioning his name in my website. I promised my spiritual guide that I wouldn’t then I saw him leaving while looking toward where I am usually standing or present, to see if I am present there or not, I didn’t talk to him I don’t want any contact with him, I have had enough from this man and all those people who were present the other day.
You may ask how I can see these people. I should say that I see myself standing or sitting in a big theater which on its left side of the stage I see two stairs going down to this world and on the right side is a place which is separated from the stage by a black thick curtain. So whenever someone wants to go inside this hidden world he or she has to pull back this curtain to go inside and then I see the strong light shinning through this place on the stage, I can say this is a Holy place where souls who are permitted and accustom to such a strong Light and Love or have a capacity to be in this Divine Spot can enter in it. I call it ‘Gebleh’ or Holy Spot in this world. So my capacity, until now, is watching the light which shines on the stage when someone pulls the curtain back to go inside for saying prayer especially when my spiritual father who is frequent visitor to this Holy Spot , he let me see him going there to pray for me. I am sure he prays for so many people but I see him when he prays for me only. The distance between the left side of the stage and the right side, although to me it looks like a big theatre only, but it might be millions of light years time wise, and God knows how many planets we should tread until reach there if I want to get there with this physical body with its attachment, but spiritually I might be able to pass this distance in one second or so it deepens where I am now spiritually or where I would be in a next or two seconds. My place in this stage is conditioned by my state of mind and heart in this moment or the next. From where I am standing I see my spiritual father coming out from left side of the stage, this world, going slowly to the right side pulling the curtain back then I can see the Light shining on the stage for few seconds although I can not measure it with this earthly time. Then I see him coming back from this Holy Spot standing tall and comforted. If there is something that he wants to tell me he stays in the middle of the stage talking to me I just listen, write down what he says then I would say “ Yes” to whatever he asked me to do or he leaves without saying one word. I obey him as a student obeys his or her teacher or his guide knowing that he is carrying the pure essence of Love from where he was visiting. There must be thousands people going to this Holy Spot everyday but I just see what I have to see and is connected to me so he might be a spiritual guide to so many souls too but I just see him when he goes to this trip for me. I don’t think it is humanly possible to see all souls who are going to visit this Holy Spot everyday so God gives me as my capacity. From where I am standing, witnessing and watching myself in the mirror of unknown world, I see my universe as one theatre which has two and very especial places sitting opposite each other. On the right side of the stage beyond the Holy Spot is a Place Which is hidden from man’s eyes since It is belong to Holy Ones only. And the other one is a place behind the physical world separated from this world for the religion’s leaders those who separated themselves from ordinary man as the ‘leaders’ for the spiritual growth of mankind. I don’t see them on the stage followed by their followers passing from physical world going toward the right side of this stage towards the Holy Spot. You might say they might go but I might not see them, but I should say that I saw the leaders coming on the stage talking to me but always alone and without their followers and when they wanted to leave the stage they shocked their clothing from the dust of this world which is a sign of leaving behind everything they had heard or seen. So they might be separated themselves from human beings in one especial place but who needs leader when everyone can stand where I am standing now to see and witness her/his universe within?
There are two more places where I should tell you about ,one is exactly in front of me and hidden from my sight by a thick black curtain again,. I say it is black because I cannot see through it but I am sure those who are there can see me so brightly. The habitats of that realm are those who passed to another world. Nobody is allowed to disturb them and touch this Holy veil, it is holy because it is pure and beyond this world. So if they decide to come passing through this veil and talk my job would be, if I am aware in that time, to make them happier trying to make them detach from this world especially if they were passed to another world recently so they are like a new born who longs for a womb of mother although God knows what a mess was it, so they still have some attachment to this world or they have some messages for their loved ones. So I would listen to them promising to take their messages usually as form of a dream because I don’t want people think of me as crazy or whatever! If they are sad of this world I try my best to make them happy hugging them with so much love that they feel the old connection which they used to have and sometimes playing music dancing with them so they leave happily, but most of the time we pray together and then by the power of Holy words suddenly I see them taking off like flam of fire leaving this earthy plane or passing through that black veil and leave this world and all its attachments to me. I only identify those souls whom I have known them in my life so there might be millions of people walking around but I just see what I am allowed to see or I recognize those who were close to me when they were living in this world. God knows how many souls are staring at our faces waiting for us to pray for them as they pray for us since we are the only one who still have free will to ask or want something from them. For example, I had never seen Tahirih in my life. She was an extraordinary woman lived during Baha’u’llah’s time nearly 160 years ago; she was one of the Letter of Livings. I was so fascinated by her life and her courage which ultimately caused her martyrdom that I wished to be like her. As soon as I did, first I had a dream about her I saw her beautiful face in my dream and then I started feeling her present in my life so many times, showing her to me through so many signs. So I feel that somehow I am connected to her only by one wish from my heart. Now coming back to my theatre , there is a place down the stage where usually news are coming from dark side of this place reaching to the people standing on the stage and I see these news as a piece of paper in order to understand what is happening on the stage. So the news are sometimes good which are coming from the right side of this section and sometimes not very good telling about people’s lies, disloyalty and dishonesty. I don’t usually get this news, I see my spiritual father getting them and if he wants to share them with me he does it otherwise he reads them and let them be. His eyes and ears are sharpen and connected to the world of spirit since he was serving as a member of The Universal House of Justice for forty years; he was sitting so close to the Sun for long time that he cannot spread anything except love. He is human as I am without any earthy position traveling between this physical and spiritual world in no time at all and now appointed to guide me and people like me in this world until we reach our destination. God blessed him.
There is only one thing to say about those people who are coming on the stage which is their look, they do their best to cover their intentions by showing themselves wearing nice clothing, but only one time God showed me that man, the lover!, without any cover up and I saw ‘self’ itself and I was sick for two days.
We are so fortunate in this world because when we look at people ‘s faces we see what they want us to see otherwise the world would be a place full of most ugliest and disgusting faces which would make life miserable beyond of anything that you can ever imagine.
So my hope is that I have shown the picture of what I am experiencing as close as possible to you.
Friday, January 5. 2007
I have wasted so much time of my life to find a way that I could shae my love with all the world and missed so many opportunity . Today I heard that one of my family who is very young have a eating disorder. she is very dear to us. but very defensive if someone wants to talk to her about her problem and now she is in a very bad situation. So I called her , not by phone, by my heart. talking to her and convincing her to go to doctor. I hugged her giving her a love which she longed for. By this way of communication we pass through one veil, our bodies, so the effects of our action was unbelievable. We all are waiting for some signs from unknown world to believe in. So I have wasted so much of my time and love when it could be spread all over the world for the people who needed most like she did.
Wednesday, January 3. 2007
It's been few months that I had given up opening love poem's book ,like Hafez and Rumi, randomly . I might have been given up finding love in this world . now that those who have pushed me into this hidden world are silent I have more time for resting. Last night , after few months, I opened the Rumi 's love poems . He was talking about love and how he treasured when something new appears out of hidden or unknown world in this physical world and because of it this world becomes new and fresh again and I thought to myself that there might be still hope for those of us who have lost hope to find love while still living in this world , otherwise Rumi's love for human being wouldn't left any trace of love throughout centuries.
Tuesday, January 2. 2007
" You can kill me as soon as you like but you cannot stop the emancipation of women...I am the blast of the trumpet, I am the call of the bugle. Like Gabriel, I will awaken sleeping souls." Tahirih